Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictitious. All attributions in this article are not genuine, and this story should be read in the context of pure entertainment only.
Community activists in Santa Clara County have banded together to deal another devastating blow to the Trump administration. After months of planning, organizers from Menlo Park, Palo Alto and Atherton announced on Wednesday that they will open the No Kings Coffee & Tea Emporium to counter “the unprecedented lies from the con-mander in chief.” The Daily sat down for an interview with Sharon J. Walker ‘85, a co-founder of No Kings C&T.
The Stanford Daily: “What led you to become a community organizer? How do you feel you fit into the community here?”
Sharon Walker: “I have been a pillar of the community in the county since I was captain of my middle school tennis team. When I would play at Stanford with the Arrillagas, my parents would point out construction workers and landscapers to remind me why I needed to get so good at tennis: to get into college and avoid degrading physical labor. That really gave me a connection to the struggles of marginalized communities.
When I got to The Farm in the Fall of ‘81, I majored in philosophy and found a lot of empathy for human suffering. The rest is history. I organized my daughter’s dress code protest at Harker in ‘98, I led a die-in to protect local bee populations and I started an ‘Impeach the Peach’ email chain in 2017. I guess you could say the opportunity to serve reaches out to me.”
TSD: “What made you turn from community organizing to entrepreneurship?”
SW: “I think the new restaurant organizes the community just as much as my Facebook account: ‘The Cheeto Lies.’ The best way to get through crazy times like these is to laugh in the face of the people who want to see us miserable. By opening No Kings in downtown Palo Alto, we’re showing that, when they go low, we go high and we won’t stand by while our country is under attack. Overall, I don’t really view No Kings as an entrepreneurial venture. It’s just one of the ways I’m sticking it to the MAGAts in the White House.”
TSD: “How do you respond to those who say you are misusing your position and making performative moves to boost your ego?”
SW: “When someone like me has such a big impact on the course of our nation’s politics, we get haters online. I’m not turned off by that. I saw a sign at a protest on Facebook that said ‘If Kamala were President, we’d all be at brunch!’ That was just so inspiring for me. That’s why I’m committing to defiance and running the most American restaurant on the block. Take that TACO Don!”