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satire

Humor
Me 'yeeting' to Norway after having to staff the NJ of Stanford dorms. Photo: RUSLAN ALJABARI/The Stanford Daily)

I applied to staff but ended up going to Norway instead after puking mid-interview

Ruslan AlJabari
  •  
Feb. 6, 2020
Humor
Current projections expect these weather anomalies to occur more frequently as Thirsty Thursday slowly gains greater attendance over the quarter.

Campus fogs up after frat party

Richard Coca
  •  
Feb. 5, 2020
Humor
5-SURE is increasing its advertising in face of a bad Uber rating. (Photo: KIRSTEN METTLER/The Stanford Daily)

5-SURE violates Standards of Excellence, opening table as Tier 1 housing

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Feb. 4, 2020
Humor
“To be fair, I get it now. Like, I really get it,” Henry Unger, one of Provost Drell’s victims, admitted. (Photo: Lana Tleimat/The Stanford Daily)

Persis Drell drops PHYSICS 41E students from Hoover Tower to demonstrate gravity

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Feb. 4, 2020
Humor
The Oscars are this weekend, which can only mean one thing: people are upset about the Oscars. (Photo Edit: PATRICK MONREAL / The Stanford Daily)

Women handcuffing themselves to men named Oscar to protest lack of female Best Director nominees

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Jan. 30, 2020
Humor
According to Vaden, the flu is “the body’s natural reaction to trying to visualize linear combinations happening in multi-dimensional planes.” (Photo Edit: PATRICK MONREAL / The Stanford Daily)

Beware the MATH 51 flu

Ruslan AlJabari
  •  
Jan. 29, 2020
Humor
The squirrels now roam among more average, less electrocuted squirrels across campus. (Photo: Unsplash)

Electrocuted squirrels from failed psychology experiment freely roam campus

Malia Mendez
  •  
Jan. 28, 2020
Humor
Previous versions of the warning system only gave a split-second heads up — leaving people only enough time to contemplate their legacy. (Photo: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

Berkeley develops earthquake warning app, giving each California resident just enough time to illegibly scribble will onto napkin

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Jan. 27, 2020
Humor
Sorry New York Times — our endorsement is practical, likeable and magic. Read more about why we think Marianne Williamson should be our next president. (Photo: Gage Skidmore / flickr)

Stanford Occasionally officially endorses Marianne Williamson for president

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Jan. 23, 2020
Humor
Writer Ruslan Al-Jabari tried infiltrating big tech after he didn't get an internship. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

How I stormed Apple’s Infinite Loop and got abducted

Ruslan AlJabari
  •  
Jan. 22, 2020
Humor
Chaos has ensued as all the snow within a hundred-mile radius of Lake Tahoe has melted, along with the hopes and dreams of new students. (Photo: Max Whittaker/Getty Images)

Ski trips cancelled ‘cuz climate change’

Chinmaya Andukuri
  •  
Jan. 21, 2020
Humor
“It’s pretty intimidating to gallop around this country club-esque campus when you know these are hallowed fields steeped in generations of equine achievement,” explained Jigsaw. (Photo Courtesy of Pixabay)

Insecure horse feels like he doesn’t deserve spot in Stanford stable

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Jan. 21, 2020
Humor
Stanford students will soon be saying "yo" to "Mustang Red," after an e-mail mentioning a "Lamborghini Yellow" statue from MTL caused some laughs. (Photo Edit: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

Stanford colors officially changed to ‘Mustang Red’ after positive response to ‘Lamborghini Yellow’

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Jan. 16, 2020
Humor
The project is not popular with students, who doubt the safety of the hole. Many voiced concerns over whether or not there will be gravity. (Photo: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

White Plaza construction actually University digging hole to China

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Jan. 15, 2020
Humor
"Please sign my petition," said Ruslan Al-Jabari (Photo: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

Dorm demons stole my bike

Ruslan AlJabari
  •  
Jan. 14, 2020
Humor
For those students with five-star passenger ratings, finding someone with whom to share an Uber is not so simple. (Photo: BENJAMIN MIDLER/The Stanford Daily)

Five-star Uber rating comes between siblings

Benjamin Midler
  •  
Jan. 14, 2020
Humor
A newly-formed website called WiTree-Leaks reported that the strain of mono scheduled to circulate at Full Moon On The Quad this year contained a mutation engineered to produce profound effects on the belief systems of students. (Photo: Nick Youngson/Alpha Stock Images)

New strain of mono that alters victims’ political alignments engineered just in time for FMOTQ

Smiti Mittal
  •  
Jan. 12, 2020
Humor
Recreating the photo above will now cost you. Residential staff will begin charging for hugs to offset their new pay raises. (Courtesy of Pixabay)

Residential staff to start charging for hugs to offset new costs of pay raise

Nestor Walters
  •  
Jan. 12, 2020
Humor
Following last quarter’s norovirus outbreak, Vaden warned the Class of 2023’s hygiene practices have proven to be some of the worst ever seen — spelling doom Full Moon on the Quad participants. (photo: RICHARD COCA/The Stanford Daily)

‘Mono’ and ‘microabrasions’ trending on Google ahead of Full Moon on the Quad

Richard Coca
  •  
Jan. 9, 2020
Humor
New this year: red glow sticks, for staring wistfully as though you know your love wasn’t meant to be, green for brief flirtatious glances, and purple for quivery slow-dance-at-the-summer-camp-formal stares. (Photo: Stanford Daily Media Library)

University bans kissing at Full Moon on the Quad, allows only long, furtive glances

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Jan. 9, 2020
The Stanford Daily

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