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satire

Humor
“It’s tough work,” said the Abby Cadabby Professor of Fine Arts James Forté. “You have to pull out your calendar and look at the dates and stuff.” (Photo Courtesy of Pixabay)

Professor prepares for quarter by updating last year’s syllabus with this year’s dates

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Jan. 8, 2020
Humor
According to Gabriel the Archangel, Mary was more reluctant than usual this time around, but he stressed God’s will. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

Mary exhausted as Jesus is born for the 2,023rd time

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Jan. 6, 2020
Humor
"Is it possessed?" five-year-old wonders as the Elf on the Shelf's glare pierces his inner being. (Image Courtesy of Pixabay)

Winter Rundown: Elf on the Shelf stares into five-year-old’s soul, grandma watches Fox News and more

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Jan. 5, 2020
Humor
While at the counter of a local McDonalds, Cherry Jones '21 handed the cashier her Stanford ID to pay for her burger and fries. When the cashier asked for a different card, assuming Jones had simply made a mistake, Jones went rabid.(Photo: MIKE MOZART/Flickr)

Student arrested for trying to buy McDonalds with meal swipes

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Dec. 18, 2019
Humor
The satire section is getting in the holiday spirit by giving you all an unwarranted, unwanted and probably unappreciated “naughty or nice” list. (photo edit: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

The Stanford Occasionally’s 2019 ‘Naughty or Nice’ list

Vol. 256 Satire Section
  •  
Dec. 2, 2019
Humor
Most students, while upset about the loss, see the departure of PWR as somewhat of a consolation. Freshmen and sophomores across campus, in fact, celebrated the defeat. (photo edit: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

Berkeley wins Big Game, granting it the Program in Writing and Rhetoric for the next year

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Nov. 24, 2019
Humor
“Consider the housing crisis solved,” said Vice President for Community Relations Helen Grindle. When asked about the staff’s quality of life in the new development, she said, “I don’t see what the problem is. Where else could we possibly put them?” (photo: Dennis Jarvis/flickr)

In lieu of General Use Permit plans, University builds underground catacombs to provide affordable housing for staff

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Nov. 18, 2019
Humor
The engineering quad.

New grad student realizes he was blacked out during entire undergrad experience

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Nov. 15, 2019
Humor
While the choice of the word “midterm” was not in and of itself problematic, the way it was defined hurt the feelings of several Stanford midterms — just ask CHEM 31. (photo: Dictionary.com)

Stanford midterms marginalized by latest Dictionary.com ‘Word of the Day’

Smiti Mittal
  •  
Nov. 13, 2019
Humor
While still awaiting FDA approval, the arms have punctured the correct vein with at least 70% accuracy on gelatin models of human arms, making them “probably fine on real people,” according to the Office of the Vice Provost for Technology and Learning. (Photo edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Cluster printers to accept blood sacrifice as payment for printing fees

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Nov. 13, 2019
Humor
U.S. News also named Palo Alto the third best college town in America, behind Ithaca and Fresno. Translating to “tall stick,” the city also made the top ten for cities with “the most creative names.” (Photo Courtesy of Palo Alto Chamber of Commerce)

U.S. News names Palo Alto as nation’s most affordable city in ‘alternate dimension’ category

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Nov. 11, 2019
Humor
An expert witness accused RPM of using the same marketing tactics as Big Solvent companies during the middle school glue-sniffing epidemic of the 1990’s. (photo edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

Rust-Oleum tries competing with Juul by introducing flavored spray paint

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Nov. 11, 2019
Humor
“Stanford has been ignoring the words of God for too long,” religious studies professor Jessie Chriest said. “Unfortunately, this institution must pay for what it has done.” (Photo Edit: KIRSTEN METTLER/ The Stanford Daily)

Fires, power outages, norovirus: Stanford hit hard with biblical plagues

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Nov. 6, 2019
Humor
One assistant claimed that the lack of a Notes from the Quad post from Persis Drell meant that not enough controversy had been stirred up to make the trip worth it. (Photo: Gage Skidmore/flickr)

Facts don’t care about your feelings, but they definitely care about your midterms

Joseph Zhang
  •  
Nov. 6, 2019
Humor
(Photo: KEVIN HSU/The Stanford Daily)

New Uni policy on sexual assault involves listening more empathetically before eventually dictating how survivors tell their story

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Nov. 6, 2019
Humor
In a closely-guarded setting, the FERPA dungeon allows students at elite universities all over the country to relive the sweet ecstasy of getting into their top school. (Photo Courtesy of Picryl)

Frosh disappears from FERPA dungeon after trying to view his admissions file

Leah Waites
  •  
Nov. 4, 2019
Humor
The first mention of an appearance occurred around 9:52 p.m. when a frosh tipped them off about “a ghost ruining the vibes.” (photo edit: RICHARD COCA/The Stanford Daily)

Maus so spooky it revived Leland and Jane Stanford for the night

Richard Coca
  •  
Nov. 3, 2019
Humor
(Photo: Pixnio)

Frosh Council reps decide on norovirus as theme of Frosh Formal

Ruslan AlJabari
  •  
Nov. 1, 2019
Humor
Don’t be surprised if you see lots of Sexy Janes this Halloweekend, as Stanford Bookstore has released a new line of sexy Halloween costumes. (photo edit: KIRSTEN METTLER/The Stanford Daily)

New at Stanford Bookstore: Sexy Jane Stanford and other Halloween costumes

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Oct. 30, 2019
Humor
Frosh Flu Fall is the new viral social media trend where Stanford freshmen take turns puking their guts out — and then DAHA a vomit kit in their dorm’s GroupMe. (photo edit: OM JAHAGIRDAR/The Stanford Daily)

‘Frosh Flu Fall’ overtakes ‘Hot Girl Summer’ in popularity

Om Jahagirdar
  •  
Oct. 30, 2019
The Stanford Daily

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