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satire

Humor
In the preseason, norovirus infected Burbank, and since then, the team has defeated dorm after dorm in Stern Hall. (photo edit: IAN SILLS/The Stanford Daily)

Report: Norovirus having better season than Cardinal football

Ian Sills
  •  
Oct. 30, 2019
Humor
Every year, homecoming weekend sees alumni (pictured above) instinctively swim upstream back to main campus, where they begin studying for midterms. The mechanism of the natural phenomenon is still being uncovered by researchers. (photo: Pixabay)

Hordes of alumni instinctively swim upstream to campus, frantically study for midterms during annual reunion weekend phenomenon

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Oct. 28, 2019
Humor
Rumor has it that Juul is working on an "Ashy Delight" pod to stay competitive with the free vape people are getting from the wildfires. (photo edit: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

Stanford students save money on Juul by just walking outside amid wildfires

Aleko Brice
  •  
Oct. 28, 2019
Humor
To pass the cheese touch on, a student from a carrier dorm needs to come in direct physical contact with one from the receiving dorm. (photo: Pixabay)

Vaden introduces inter-dorm Cheese Touch Battle to combat norovirus

Smiti Mittal
  •  
Oct. 27, 2019
Humor
Just weeks after containing a lanyard outbreak, the CDC is back on campus investigating norovirus in Stern. (photo edit: PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily)

State Department issues travel warning for the Stern Hall Province of Stanford University

VinhHuy Le
  •  
Oct. 27, 2019
Humor
Stanford’s open-door alcohol policy will now have 100% adherence in FloMo, as upperclassmen have removed all the doors in the complex. (Photo edit: BENJAMIN MIDLER/The Stanford Daily)

Upperclassmen, tired of being woken by rollouts, remove all doors in FloMo

Benjamin Midler
  •  
Oct. 25, 2019
Humor
Vaden Health Center presented him with three potential diagnoses: carpal tunnel syndrome, pregnancy or “norovirus of the hands.” The Daily is still trying to figure out what exactly that last one is.

Frosh develops carpal tunnel from snapping, lawsuit to follow

Chinmaya Andukuri
  •  
Oct. 23, 2019
Humor
As the shopping period for friends draws to a close, frosh all across Stanford must make some tough decisions about what their social circles will look like for the next four years. (Photo: PAUL MITALIPOV/The Stanford Daily)

Frosh scramble as the add/drop friends deadline rapidly approaches

Paul Mitalipov
  •  
Oct. 23, 2019
Humor
Enchanted Broccoli Forest, a residential building, surrounded by trees.

Mob of freshmen shows up to ESF Plenary thinking it’s EBF

Smiti Mittal
  •  
Oct. 21, 2019
Arts & Life
Knut Betger and Joscha Eißen in "Weit Draußen." (Courtesy of Filmuniversität Babelsberg Konrad Wolf)

IQFF, part 3: Standout shorts

Olivia Popp
  •  
Oct. 21, 2019
Humor
“Google, Facebook, all of those big tech companies that Stanford supports are planning World War III,” Alex Jones screamed in a phone call with The Daily. (photo edit: Kirsten Mettler/THE STANFORD DAILY)

SCR forced to settle for Ben Shapiro after Alex Jones abruptly cancels his campus visit

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Oct. 20, 2019
Humor
piano

Deciding one is not enough, Alumni Association votes to add another piano to Tresidder Lounge

Joseph Zhang
  •  
Oct. 18, 2019
Humor
"It’s very hard to adjust to life at Stanford when everybody else can bond over feeling like they’re out of place. I’m all alone," said the student. (photo: Om Jahagirdar/THE STANFORD DAILY)

Q&A: Frosh insecure because they don’t feel imposter syndrome

Om Jahagirdar
  •  
Oct. 16, 2019
Humor
According to Dr. Toobad, "our new health requirements will mean only true insomniacs and caffeine addicts enroll in [Math 51]." (Wikimedia Commons)

Math department to require proof of high pain tolerance for enrollment in Math 51

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Oct. 14, 2019
Humor
(Holden Foreman / THE STANFORD DAILY)

New Arrillaga Fellowship requires each recipient to name firstborn child Arrillaga

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Oct. 14, 2019
Humor
It looks like more than just leaves will be falling on student’s heads this autumn, as the first round of flight tests for carrier pigeons at FedEx has begun after a system failure. (photo edit: Jakob Barrus/THE STANFORD DAILY)

FedEx harkens to history, as system failure leads to use of carrier birds on campus

Jakob Barrus
  •  
Oct. 11, 2019
Humor
Next time you visit a dining hall, you may want to check out the purple pantry for Malibu (photo edit: Patrick Monreal/THE STANFORD DAILY)

New students avoid ‘freshman 15’ by trying out Malibu cleanse

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Oct. 9, 2019
Humor
The permit proposing an overnight coup d'état of Santa Clara County also involves a plan to convert every intersection into a roundabout. (Photo: MELISSA WEYANT/The Stanford Daily)

Stanford seeking permit to stage overnight coup of Santa Clara County

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Oct. 8, 2019
Humor
Not every club makes it to the activities fair—just ask Stanford Water Benders! (photo: Patrick Monreal/THE STANFORD DAILY)

The clubs that didn’t make it to the Activities Fair

Richard Coca
  •  
Oct. 7, 2019
Humor
After pushback from faculty and staff, Vaden ensured the campus community that House’s services would exceed the goals and expectations of CAPS, “and then some.” (Patrick Monreal/THE STANFORD DAILY)

In effort to boost patient care, Vaden replaces CAPS with Dr. Gregory House

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Oct. 2, 2019
The Stanford Daily

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