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Humor

Humor
The Amazon Rainforest, home to hundreds of potential Stanford applicants. (Photo: Wikimedia Commons)

Stanford anthropologists to make first contact with uncontacted peoples in effort to inflate applicant pool

Sofie Storan
  •  
Oct. 18, 2020
Humor
Diana Johnson ’24 when she realized that without a vaccine, she would have to hang out with her roommate's friends. (Photo: Pixabay)

‘Game-changing’ COVID-19 vaccine developed by student after discovering she has to be in the same household pod as her roommate’s friends

Defne Genc
  •  
Oct. 15, 2020
Humor
Because of the Tinder deal, politicians like Joe Biden have to broaden their sex appeal to get young voters to swipe right. (Photo: Gage Skidmore)

State legislatures make deal with Tinder to get out young, horny vote

Charlie Kogen
  •  
Oct. 15, 2020
Humor
A new element is dedicated to Chem 33 students (Photo: Benjamin Midler/Stanford Daily)

Chemistry department discovers new element: Fu

Benjamin Midler
  •  
Oct. 14, 2020
Humor
Exam scores are used in this new dating app (Photo: Unsplash)

New startup matches couples based on midterm grades

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Oct. 14, 2020
Humor
Why cover your cough when you can weaponize it instead? (Photo: JAMES GATHANY/CDC Public Health Image Library)

White House productivity soars after Trump implements new policy of coughing on underperforming aides

Sarah Lewis
  •  
Oct. 13, 2020
Humor
According to students who have totally never bought from Escobar before, some of the street names of his drugs include “MTL’s Kiss,” “Mary Jane Stanford” and “MATH 51.” (Photo: TaxRebate.org.uk)

Student runs successful drug cartel to pay for tuition

Lorenzo Del Rosario
  •  
Oct. 13, 2020
Humor
Digital trailblazers Donovan Winters ’24 and Johnny Sutton ’23 pose as they change the way we think about social media. (Photo: UC Davis College of Engineering, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)

New Stanford startup that is just worse version of Instagram seeks to change the way we think about social media

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Oct. 12, 2020
Humor
Stanford daydreaming about its one true love (Edit: KIRSTEN METTLER/The Stanford Daily)

Stanford officially prefers athletes over all other students

Kirsten Mettler
  •  
Oct. 12, 2020
Humor
Toyota Prius demon Hybridious feeds off of catalytic converters stolen by His devoted cult of followers. (Photo Edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily)

‘More… I need more,’ moans bloated Toyota Prius monster to cult of catalytic converter thieves in damp cavern

Lana Tleimat
  •  
Oct. 11, 2020
Humor
Former president Donald Trump speaks at a press conference in 2020. (Official White House Photo by Stephanie Chasez)

Republican COVID-19 outbreak yet another poor American remake of British series

Kathryn Zheng
  •  
Oct. 11, 2020
Humor
Of all the things to happen, we honestly couldn't have predicted this. (Photo Edit: KATHRYN ZHENG)

Starbucks CEO relieved ‘War on Christmas’ no longer his responsibility

Kathryn Zheng
  •  
Oct. 8, 2020
Humor
Holly Aarons '23 prepares to explain that she just doesn't know how her American classmates can bear it. (Photo: Freepik)

Student from New Zealand acting pretty dang smug in COVID-19 seminar

Sofie Storan
  •  
Oct. 8, 2020
Humor
All of her plants are named after characters from 'The Office' (Photo: PickPik.com)

Frosh confident that seventh succulent will finally fill the pit of loneliness growing inside them

Simran Tandon
  •  
Oct. 7, 2020
Humor
Students are enjoying Cardinal Nights now more than ever (Photo: Cardinal Nights)

Cardinal Nights reports record in-person attendance

Benjamin Midler
  •  
Oct. 7, 2020
Humor
VOTE! Seriously, not a joke! (Photo: Pixabay)

Republican Party decries nation’s dependence on bloated government bureaucracy to count election ballots

Prateek Joshi
  •  
Oct. 6, 2020
Humor
Try these stylish glasses to cure your fatigue! (Photo: needpix.com)

Red light glasses peddled as cure for ‘Zoom fatigue’

Alyssa Krull
  •  
Oct. 6, 2020
Humor
The Stanford Occasionally

Watch: Stanford frosh intends to celebrate FMOTQ at home and other headlines

Vol. 258 Satire Section
  •  
Oct. 5, 2020
Humor
He might be cute but he's probably a murderer (Photo edit: LANA TLEIMAT/The Stanford Daily, Photo: KEVIN HSU/The Stanford Daily)

Student with imposter syndrome found crawling through campus ventilation systems

Lorenzo Del Rosario
  •  
Oct. 5, 2020
Humor
In an act of compassion, the department decided it would assess juggling and periodic table memorization separately (PATRICK MONREAL/The Stanford Daily).

Chemistry dept. amends weekly exam requiring students to juggle beakers on camera while reciting the periodic table from memory

Patrick Monreal
  •  
Oct. 5, 2020
The Stanford Daily

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